My life as told by my father’s previously unviewed camera images.
Roughly 2007 to present, in no particular order.
Oh, the nostalgia.
Here I go, working to fight myself from spilling my guts to a complete stranger. I want to go, I need to do this, but I don’t want to. The resistance comes from a fear that I’m mentally deficient in some way, that they’ll lock me away behind a door with a tiny barred window. Will it help? Hopefully. The truth is, that if I don’t go I will owe the school $30 that I don’t have, so the pressure is on to at least try. Sigh, this is the hard stuff. And no one cares, but it’s okay.
“And so I’m sailing through the sea / To an island where we’ll meet / You’ll hear the music fill the air / I’ll put a flower in your hair”
Someone who can watch movies with me and drink tea with me. Someone who will show me amazing new music and who I can show amazing new music to. A gal that cares. She doesn’t have to be perfect, I know I’m not. She can be OCD or ADD or have a crooked smile or bad morning breath. It’s all okay with me, as long as she cares and wants to be cared for.
My view on organized religion is ever-changing. The more I try to avoid the subject, the more it seems I get wrapped up in it. I’m still notably an atheist with ridiculous amounts of hate toward religion built up inside of me, but I’m not sure for how long I will feel this way. I can feel a metamorphosis happening piece by piece, day by day.
Reading the Bible is a subject I avoided on a count of the things other people have said about it, namely the bad things. Now, having read small sections of it in a group that a friend dragged me to, I can view the book with a critical eye that is all my own. Conversion isn’t something I’m interested in, but knowledge is. Maybe it’s time that I stop wallowing in my ignorance of the Bible and all it’s ignorances. Maybe it’s time I stop getting pissed off at Bible-themed Jeopardy! categories, buck up, and understand a religion before I hate it.
Reference photos for the Mario-themed tat leg I’m hoping to start this Christmas. I’m hoping to find an artist who can capture the quality of the game in all it’s old-school glory c:
Grew up practically breathing this game, and still own a functioning Super Nintendo to play on.
Going to college is definitely going to be tough. It will require some major changes, both wanted and somewhat unwanted. I want to be a vegetarian for a variety of reasons, but the most is for health. I want to be able to live and love and learn without feeling bogged down by my bad eating habits. I want to feel good about myself and any future modifications that I get. Modifications are amazing, and I have so many plans for things I want done. That’s not possible with my life the way it currently is: a mess. I love my parents more than life itself, and yet I must admit that they hold me back somewhat. It’s hard to eat berries and salad when mom makes cheese, meat, and more for dinner or if we’re feeling lazy and just order three or four times a week. This is an unsustainable way to live my life, and I know that. That’s why there’s so much room for change. There are going to be so many opportunities for me to show that I do have the determination required to change myself for the better. I want to, not work out exactly, but just to be active enough to be healthy. I will always prefer the company of my own mind and a good piece of media, but part of my changes also need to be in connecting with people. I don’t hope to erase the past eighteen years, only to build on what’s there and make good changes where they are needed. It would be amazing to wake up to a gorgeous girl, some good weed, and a movie or some engaging anthropology homework. That’s what I hope to achieve out of school this and the next three or more years: positive change.
